Growing up in El Rancho

B.E. grew up in a small town, colloquially referred to as El Rancho in Guanajuato, Mexico. Growing up, B.E. was free to roam the unpaved roads of her Rancho, surrounded by farmland and a tight knit community. As a small girl, she would laugh confusedly at the American born kids from parents who had migrated to the US from her town who would be fascinated with the farm animals, as that was the norm for her. She never thought that she would move to the United States, and much less settle and spend nearly more than half her life there.

Crossing the Border

At 20 years old, B.E. decided to follow her husband and migrate with him to the United States. Her husband, who had migrated back and forth before, was waiting for her in North Carolina. He already had established a job for himself in NC and lived with his brother and friends in an apartment. Economic instability and severe poverty pushed B.E. to embark on the journey of crossing the border by foot, while, with great difficulty, leaving her 1-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She was accompanied by her father-in-law, brother in law, 2 other hopeful migrants that she didn’t know, and the coyote.

After riding a bus for 24 hours, and crossing the Rio Grande by foot, the Coyote’s helpers secured a place in El Paso, Texas. “Looking back,” She says “it was a storage facility. There was an old couch and old furniture. I remember that the immigration patrol cars would pass us very close nearby, but since our spot was very hidden, they didn’t find us. But I did hear people running and the patrol car after them”.

B.E. was worried during this time, especially since the money to pay the Coyote was delayed. It was steep price of $1,500 for each traveler, but looking back now, worth it.

Connecting in Texas

Once in El Paso, B.E. had to get on an airplane for the first time in her life, to fly to Houston where she had family. However, the more difficult thing for her at the airport other than flying was the escalators: “I had never been in …a place like that before. I had never been on a escalator before. I had no idea how to get on the escalator. I remember a lady laughing at me. And I felt so embarrassed, but I was also scared to get on the escalator”.

Once in Houston, B.E. connected with her husband’s family who had settled there. Everything was so different. She describes, “I remember I grabbed a banana to eat it, and it tasted completely different. I remember that the water I used to shower smelled like pure bleach to me. I kept thinking how different the houses were from the houses in Mexico. They looked very fragile and disposable in Houston where my family member lived”.

Since B.E. never thought she would migrate to the US, she never really thought about what the United States was like or how Americans were like. Her husband never really talked to her about where he lived. However, before they decided to migrate as a family, he would tell her that the US wasn’t for women, and B.E. somewhat agreed. Many people in her town thought this way. Significantly more men migrated to the US than women from her town, and the women who did migrate were looked down on. “The people from El Rancho” she describes, “said those women became … more liberal. It terrified the men seeing the women of their small town going and getting exposed to an entirely new and liberating culture and another way to live”.

Whenever I do go back, I’m not going to find the little children I left behind. My parents won’t be young anymore like when I left.

Solitude in North Carolina

After spending a couple weeks in Houston, B.E. boarded her second airplane ever to North Carolina where her husband had settled. There, the reality of her decision to migrate hit her as she settled into normalcy. And she felt absolutely alone. She describes, “For 3 or 4 months I didn’t meet anyone. I spent a lot of time by myself. My husband, his brothers, and his friends went to work from 7am to like 9pm or 10 pm. The only day we went out was Sunday and we would only go get groceries”.

B.E. tried to remain calm in her new environment by watching children’s cartoons on the public network, which she hoped would teach her English, and by exercising. However, she only exercised indoors as she was terrified of going outside. She describes, “In my town, everyone knew each other, but nobody knew anybody in the apartment complex where I lived at that time [in North Carolina]. Sometimes I worried that something would happen to me if I went out. I was scared. So, I just never went outside.”

When she did go out, it was very confusing. B.E. describes the struggle in simply buying clothes: “I didn’t even know how to go to the store. I remember the first time I went to buy clothes, I bought myself girl sized pants. Because I entered the store, and I didn’t know anything”.

Another reason B.E. felt so alone, and sometimes in despair, was because of her young daughter she had to leave behind in Mexico. Eventually, B.E. insisted that if her husband didn’t push his family to help her daughter migrate to the US, B.E. would return to Mexico. Eventually, her daughter was brought to her. Reconnecting with her daughter proved to be another challenge, as her daughter had forgotten about her.
B.E. had also left behind her siblings, the youngest being 6 years old, and her parents. She describes “… whenever I do go back, I’m not going to find the little children I left behind. My parents won’t be young anymore like when I left”. She regularly calls her mom and sisters who still live in Mexico.

Finding a Home Through Time

Eventually, B.E. learned how to drive, and do all those things that people from her Rancho would criticize the migrating women for doing. She learned how to speak English, went to school, and had 2 more children. Her oldest daughter is in college now, and they are very close.

Considering an alternative life in Mexico, B.E. believes that migrating was the right decision for her children, as they have more opportunities here than in her Rancho for educational attainment. Although her and her husband have had to do difficult jobs that are labor intensive and typically underpaid, she believes that “…there are opportunities here, we just have to take advantage of them”.

B.E. continues to look towards the future. She has been in the US for 20 years now and considers it her home, although she says she will always feel Mexican. Due to her legal status, B.E. has been unable to return to Mexico, and is always aware of the possibility of being deported. “I know the area and I’ve traveled around the US, and have been outside of NC. I’m not afraid to cross the street anymore … I definitely feel at home”.