Arianna Mosqueda
Spring 2022
In México, Lili lived in a small Rancho in Michoacán with her husband, her four daughters, their small dog, their horse, and their chickens. While her husband would go to work, she would stay at home with her girls. There, the small town felt like home to her: everyone knew each other, and she would chat with her neighbors frequently, seeing them on her daily runs to the little corner store, or even when going outside: “You go out to talk and you find someone and you chat with them,” she says, smiling.
From California to México to Virginia
Three years ago, in 2019, Lili decided to come to the United States with her daughters, in hopes of finding better opportunities for her family. Having eight siblings who had migrated to the U.S. prior to her, she was able to receive financial and housing support throughout the process. She arrived in California, where she stayed with her older sister, who had migrated more than two decades prior and had already built a life with her husband and children there in California. However, Lili decided not to stay in California permanently — she would go for a few weeks at a time to work, returning to México in between her short-term visits.
Even then, she was hit with the reality of how different the U.S. was in comparison to México; here, “work life consumes much of everyone’s time,” she noticed. “I don’t see Mari [her sister] with her children, not even with her husband…he would get home from work, and then she would leave for work.”
Although Lili was somewhat discouraged by the unfamiliar and demanding lifestyle in the United States, she persevered and continued going to California. Her siblings would often encourage her to stay and enroll her daughters in school, but it wouldn’t be until eight months ago, and two years after she started going to the U.S., that she would stay for a more prolonged period of time and enroll her daughters in the local schools. But this time, it was in Virginia, with another one of Lili’s sisters. The small, quiet town where her sister’s family lived looked similar to her Rancho in México: “I like the weather, I like the landscape also. I like it, because there’s a lot of vegetation, a lot of nature, and it’s just that you start to miss home.”
“And when I go to México, I feel liberated.”
Virginia presented its own challenges. Although Lili hadn’t appreciated the busy, populated, and noisy California, she did miss the fact that Spanish was widely spoken there, where she had been able to easily communicate with her coworkers and store employees at the grocery store. She says, “And here [in Virginia] it’s not like that. I miss that they don’t speak Spanish in the stores. I can’t communicate with others when I need something, and I just gesture signs to them and they don’t understand that either. It’s more difficult to communicate in a different language.”
A Home in the Heart
Lili expressed gratitude for being able to work in the United States, earning more than she was able to in México, where she lived “day to day” and sometimes didn’t have enough for necessities. However, she has felt an emptiness in family life as a result. Similarly to what she first observed with her sister in California, she feels that she no longer has the time or energy to chat with her daughters. With a tired smile, she says, “Me, wanting to earn money and go to the United States to earn money, I might be losing the most beautiful thing, which is family.”
Currently, she’s unsure of whether or not she’ll return to México, but she does feel a desire to go back. She describes, “…I do feel that I’m here just to fulfill something. So the girls can go to school and learn English, but I don’t feel at home.” Lili’s daughters ask her if they’re “going to stay here like everyone else stays.” She tells them that they’ll come in intervals, so that they can attain an education and then go back to México. “And I tell them,” she says, “Keep studying… Keep putting effort into your studies. Because wherever you go, you have to work, it’s all work.” Her daughters tell her that they would rather live in México, and Lili shares the same sentiments. Basking in the idea of going back to México, she reminisces about what it feels like when she’s there: “And when I go to México, I feel liberated. I feel like I go, I walk through the streets and that I’m… free over there…I feel alive.”